The wrong place at the right time
When I was rejected at my last church, it didn’t mean that God was also turning me down or that I’d heard Him wrong. He gave me a desire, but where I carried it out mattered to Him.
One summer day a couple of years ago, I found myself on a park bench in Central Park getting rejected in an indirect, confusing, and hurtful way. And it made me question whether I actually could hear God’s voice.
I held back tears of frustration and disappointment on the long train ride from the Upper West Side to Astoria until I could let them trickle out in the comfort of my bed. Why did this “no” seem to conflict with what I had been certain God was telling me?
Before I answer that question, let me back up.
I had been attending my church for a few years and serving on the prayer team for about half that time. I started on the pre-service prayer team, a subdivision of the ministry that met 30 minutes before Sunday morning services to pray for the pastors, worship team, congregation, and more broadly for what God was doing in the church.
Once service started, my role on the prayer team was over. And I was just fine with that for a while. I’d burned out from overextending myself at my last church, so I wasn’t ready for more time commitment just yet. But eventually, I desired more.
On Sundays, I would find myself watching people go up for prayer at the altar and yearning to pray with them. My heart felt like it was burning to intercede for them. I wanted to listen to people’s concerns, questions, praises, and grievances. I wanted to stand with them to offer words to the Lord that perhaps they didn’t have in the moment. I wanted to stand in the gap as a communicator between the natural and the spiritual. And I believed this feeling was a nudge from God, that after a few years stepping away from ministry, it was time to get closer again.
I wasn’t entirely sure how people were selected to serve on the altar call team, but I knew there was some kind of training required. I emailed the prayer team leaders for more information and one of them invited me to get coffee after church. I was excited to meet with her and thought it would be a good opportunity to get to know one another.
That afternoon, we met at a coffee shop close to Central Park, ordered our drinks, and then walked into the park as we shared about our faith and time living in New York City. She was sweet and seemed to have a genuine interest in getting to know me.
Then I brought up my request to join the altar call team and the conversation shifted. I told her how passionate I am about praying with and for others. She asked me what I was currently studying in the Bible and what God was teaching me. She also asked if I was going to midweek prayer meetings, which were difficult for me to attend since I worked full-time and lived 30 minutes from the church. Suddenly, I felt like I was being examined and that if I didn’t answer the right way, I’d fail her test.
After all this, she didn’t tell me “no.” At least not directly. And that’s what hurt the most. Instead, she suggested I continue reading the Word, listening to God, and attend more prayer meetings “for now.” I would have rather she told me that there was a checklist in her mind and that I just didn’t fill all the boxes, than give me the church version of a performance improvement plan.
I didn’t say much to her after that because I was stunned. I kept replaying our conversation over and over, wondering if I’d said something wrong or could have said something else to prove that I would be a great prayer minister.
At first, I thought this rejection was about me
Her “no” felt like God was saying “no,” after I had been so sure that this was something He wanted for me. I left the park wondering if I’d heard Him wrong. Did I lack spiritual maturity because I wasn’t going to midweek prayer? Or because sometimes I forgot to do my devotions in the morning?
In the face of disappointment, I have a tendency to do more. I think that if I just show up more, take on more tasks, or work harder, I’ll prove my worth. Indeed, that is how much of the world works – it rewards us for doing the most. If doing more got me a job promotion, why wouldn’t the same apply for a ministry? But that’s not how God works.
I tried to be more disciplined in my morning routine to spend more time with God. I made an effort to show up earlier to pre-service prayer. But while my mind was on auto-striving mode, my heart wasn’t so quick to follow. I felt resentment and reluctance to subscribe to an ideal of perfection my church (or at least the prayer team leader) was expecting.
One morning, I woke up extra early to go to a midweek prayer meeting before work. While everyone around me was raising their hands, singing, and praying, I couldn’t stop thinking that I was only there to prove something. I hate doing things I don’t genuinely want to do just because someone tells me to do it. So I didn’t go to another midweek prayer meeting after that. In fact, I stopped doing anything for the sake of proving myself to the church.
The dissonance I’d felt in that prayer meeting was an alert, shouting that my approach was all wrong. If I had to go above and beyond to prove that I belonged somewhere, I didn’t want it. I’d go somewhere I was valued for who I am, not how much I do. And that’s exactly what happened. A couple of my friends invited me into their own ministries, including being on the prayer team for a women’s conference.
Then one Sunday, Christopher and I spontaneously tried a new church. We woke up late and were going to miss most of service, so he suggested going somewhere closer to home. The moment I walked into Wellspring Church NYC, everything felt different. One of the pastors immediately recognized that we were new and introduced herself. I loved the service and the people so much, I kept going back.
On my second or third visit, I went up to the altar for prayer and met a beautiful human I now call my friend. After she prayed for me, we got talking, then I prayed for her, and then she asked me if I had considered being on the prayer team. I told her I was new to the church, but she said it didn’t matter and put me in touch with one of the team leaders.
The leader called me and took the time to hear about my life, my testimony, what I was passionate about, and the places God has called me to. He shared about his life too and was quick to invite me to be a part of the team. He sent me some trainings, had me shadow him a couple of Sundays, and then I started serving on the altar call team. The thing I had wanted to do months earlier was finally happening and I didn’t have to prove anything to get there. It was simply a matter of two people who saw me for who I am, cared enough to hear about my journey, and trusted me to hear from God for myself. No gatekeeping or checklists, just letting the Holy Spirit prepare the way.
I heard the right thing, but God had a different place in mind
Even more serendipitous was that a couple of months after I joined the prayer team at Wellspring, a couple of the pastors asked me to be a prayer minister for a new counseling and inner-healing ministry they were starting. It combined so many things I’m passionate about: mental health, prayer, deliverance, intercession, and healing. It was beginning to make sense why God wanted me here at this church at this time, rather than anywhere else.
When I was rejected at my last church, it didn’t mean that God was also turning me down or that I’d heard Him wrong. He gave me a desire to pray and minister to others, but where I carried it out mattered to Him. I believe the “no” to serving in that capacity at that church was His way of saying, “not here.” I may never fully understand why — perhaps He was protecting me from poor leadership or maybe He wanted me to serve a different group of people. Whatever His reasons, I know it was important to Him that I waited until I was in the right place.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
– Isaiah 55:8-9 (NIV)
Has there been a time you tried to do the right thing in the wrong place? What did you learn from it?